I'm confused, and looking for some other people's input...?
Posted in: zjnq.com Date: March 11th, 2010
She's high-risk, having had extreme HBP early on during her last pregnancy. She ended up having the baby at 27 weeks gestation but only 24 weeks developed. He was less than 1.5 pounds at birth. Tough little guy won the fight for his life, but those first couple of months were very difficult for him. We know he's a miracle baby because now, other than being a bit small for his age (he's about 1 year old and the size of the average 8-9 month old), he's as developed as a normal 11-12 month old.
Although this baby had a happy ending, I fear she's pushing her luck with her current pregnancy. She smokes like there's no tomorrow and drinks a bottle or two of Mountain Dew each day. She's almost 6 months along, and the doctors are fairly certain she will go early with this baby also, they just don't know how early. (We don't know if she smoked or had so much caffeine when she was pregnant with the baby before this one, I haven't dared to ask. It was a shock to find out about it this pregnancy.)
She adores her little guy and she anticipates the healthy arrival of a new little one, but I don't understand how a woman that cares that much for her children can treat her body this way during her pregnancy. She's asking for another premature delivery with likely birth defects and/or the chance this baby won't survive, and it scares me that she would do that to her child.
The worst part is, she understands the loss of a child: she already lost two daughters in a car accident a few years ago and had another daughter taken away from her by the state. She's now trying to repair her life and show the state she's now a good mom so she can get her daughter back.
I know addictions are hard to beat, but aren't healthy children worth it? Isn't giving up cigarettes worth having a baby with a higher chance of healthy lungs and lower chance of birth defects? Not to mention the poor effects of so much caffeine every day? I trust that she truly loves her kids, I see it in the way she interacts with her little guy, but her habits say the opposite.
Is there someone who can help me understand how a loving, caring mom can be this way? Or am I out in left field with this one? I probably wouldn't have such a personal attachment to the matter, except these children are my flesh and blood and I care deeply for them, including the baby yet to be born.
I think you should do the same thing. Put very little emotional stock in the mother, because her self destructive way of living isn't worth getting involved with. But put your heart & soul into showing the kids love & kindness whenever you get a chance.
Also, if at all you think the kids are being neglected or abused, you should call DHS or the equivalent agency right away.
Sounds like you should start preparing to be a "next of kin" caretaker for her kids anyway. Good luck, and God bless you for showing some care.
I know that she loves her kids. Sometimes I make passive aggressive comments on her parenting and she just laughs because she thinks that I am just a conservative prude. I think it just goes back to her parents and the way she was raised. I also think that since her first kid turned out ok she continued the bad behavior with the second and now the third. My advice to you is to watch and learn from her bad behavior. I know from watching my friend what im not going to do during this pregnancy and when parenting my little miracle. I wouldnt directly confront her about it because people never like it when you tell them they are a bad parent.
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